By Fenny Oyare
Slyvia Adhiambo, a 14-year-old only child to a family in Migori County still has memories of her experiences of neglect as a child.
“I feel part and parcel of the sufferings I went through at an early age,” Adhiambo narrates.
“None was there for me most of the time and, even when they were there, they never cared about my wellbeing,” she adds.
The family hails from Kitere village, South Kamagambo location in Migori County.
“My mother, Miriam Awino, 42 would not even notice whether I had or hadn’t gone to school as she was always drunk. I wanted to study since my parents were alcoholics. I had tried to speak to my class teacher, Mrs Omollo who I thought could be my godmother,” said Adhiambo.
She had always been a happy and lively child, but her parents’ constant fight and substance abuse made her childhood a nightmare.
The 14-year-old girl recalls how she was often left alone for hours on weekends, hungry, scared, and with no one to turn to.
Due to negligence, Adhiambo’s physical and emotional development was deterred. She was malnourished and often fell sick due to the lack of necessities including; food, clean water, and a safe living environment.
Clothing too was a challenge forcing her to live in solitude.
Her parents’ addiction to drugs and alcohol made them violent which could result in frequent physical and emotional abuse of her.
Left lonely
Adhiambo was often harassed either verbally or physically. Their statements pierced her heart, making her look worthless and unfit living.
But the girl always believed neglected children might have a second phase of life. While with her schoolmates, she always put on a brave face giving a blind eye to the challenges which surrounded her.
“In most cases, I was left lonely. My drunkard parents always pissed me off leaving me deserted in a room. They were often mentally and emotionally out of my life,” said Adhiambo.
She recounts one of her lowest moments when she tried to speak to her parents about the gravious effects of their drug abuse habit where they could not take any responsibility but instead angrily yelled at her.
They denied it all and just kept yelling and yelling, so she left. She didn’t know what she was going to do, it was like everyone hated her, and she felt that she was completely alone.
She felt completely hopeless and this pushed her to take an overdose as she felt there was no way out. All she wanted was for her parents to listen to her. She madly needed a parent figure in her life.
The parents’ consistent actions made her leave her home and vacate her uncle’s home-the brother to her father, a stone’s throw from their homestead. It was like the family left her and she was forced into foster care for about two years.
Assault and rape
Adhiambo hoped that life would be full of milk and honey but it got worse by the day.
“During the time in this home, things turned ugly, I was sexually and physically abused and was always told that I was nothing, a worthless person, that my family wanted nothing to do with me and that’s why I was forced to vacate. I was beaten and pulled up by my hair,” she recalls.
“I remember one day I was in the bathroom crying because I just wanted someone to love me, and because of the crying my head was pushed underwater. My uncle shamelessly assaulted me in the bathroom. He always threatened to chase me out of his house if in any case, I tell anyone. I had to stay since the only thing that I was thirsty for, was to have a caring family,” adds Adhiambo.
When she turned seven, her grandparents were given custody so she was out of her uncle’s house and very excited. She thought this was the best thing to ever happen, but that feeling would change dramatically two weeks after she got there.
One morning she woke up and her grandmother had already gone to the garden, so it was just her step-grandfather and her.
As she was about to get out of bed, the man walked into her room and sat down, taking total advantage of her.
“He continued to do this to me for months. One day I asked him, ‘What would you do if I told someone?’ He pulled out his belt, smacked me, and said, ‘If you tell anybody I will hurt you. I will send you back to your uncle and you will have nobody.’”
Moved to children’s home
“I never wanted to go back to my uncle, so I had to deal with the abuse for six years. This man took my self-esteem, my trust, and my life. I was turned into this girl who lived in fear daily and carried the shame of who I was. Each day of my life was a living hell,” narrated Adhiambo.
Despite the abuse, Adhiambo tried to hold on to hope. She dreamed of a life where she was loved and cared for, free from fear and pain.
Her prayers were answered when a concerned neighbour noticed the bruises on her arms and face and reported the abuse to the authorities.
Adhiambo was taken into protective custody and placed in a children’s home-Ebenezer Children’s Home, where she received the care and attention she desperately needed.
With the help of her new caretakers, she began to heal. She was given nutritious food, clean clothes, and a warm bed to sleep in. She also received medical attention for her physical and emotional wounds.
As she slowly regained her strength, Adhiambo began to blossom. She started attending school and made friends with the other children at the home. She even began to dream of a future where she could make a difference in the world and help other children like herself.
As a teenager, she never wanted to continue living in the world she was in and desperately wanted to get out. She started inflicting pain on herself and was later admitted to Kitere Dispensary so many times until she was 14. She was in pain.
Finally, the step-grandfather was put in jail for 13 years, on 21 charges of sexual abuse. Her self-inflicted harm and suicidal thoughts never stopped.
Right of all children
She almost lost her life more times than she could count due to the abuse, and to date, she still cannot work out how she survived. She has been through hell and she has seen some things that a child should never witness or experience at such a young age, but she has come to believe this.
“If you can live through the worst times of your life, you can live through anything. Your life is beautiful even if one person or many people try and take it from you. You will get days when you just want to give up but you don’t, you keep on marching and moving forward. Just live your life how you want it. As we get older we learn, we succeed, and when we succeed, we achieve greatness and we know we can overcome anything.”
Adhiambo’s story is a powerful reminder of the impact of neglect and abuse on children’s lives. It is also a testament to the resilience and strength of the human spirit.
Despite the hardships she faced, Adhiambo never gave up hope, and with the help of caring individuals, she was able to overcome the trauma of her past and build a brighter future for herself.
Constitution
The 2010 Constitution of Kenya (Article 53) recognizes the right of all children to be protected from abuse, neglect, harmful cultural practices, all forms of violence, inhumane treatment and punishment, and hazardous or exploitative labour.
The World Health Organization (WHO) estimates that 40 million children aged below 15 years fall victim to violence each year. The traumas vary according to the gravity of the violence and the child’s personal experience, in the long run, have medical and psychosocial consequences.
Worldwide, an estimated one in three women has experienced physical or sexual abuse in her lifetime. Gender-based violence undermines the health, dignity, security, and autonomy of its victims, yet it remains shrouded in a culture of silence.
In Kenya, the rate of child abuse is forty per cent (40%). It is increasing day by day. Everybody should do his or her best to minimize child abuse to the rate of fifteen per cent (15%) or less. Let’s stop child abuse.
