By Benjamin Zulu, Counseling Psychologist, Conference Speaker, and Life Coach.
Sometimes if you were raised by a strong single mother you may have learned how to survive without a man. You may come to despise healthy relationship qualities like interdependence and needing each other.
You admire your mother’s strength to face life alone successfully and so you think needing a man is a weakness. The truth is that your mother may have found herself in a situation where she was alone with the children and she had to step up and be the best mother she could be.
She was making the best of a bad situation. But if she never took the time to explain that to you the perception you got was skewed and lopsided.
These are the unfortunate occasions in life where doing the right thing and demonstrating a lifestyle before children without giving them the background information can communicate a distorted view of life.
If you find yourself in this situation, be sure to explain to your children that marriage is not mandatory for every woman and it does not always work, like it was with your case. But it’s still a valid option and a happy marriage is both attainable and possible.
If you’re the child of such a mother, understand that she may have hidden her struggles out of your view thinking she was doing you a favor. Or it was just an area she wasn’t comfortable discussing. Make a conscious effort to acquire accurate information about marriages and how they work.
