Timi Magnini (left), 31, and Peter DeGuzman (right), 32, kiss at the culmination of their wedding at the County of Los Angeles: Registrar-Recorder/County Clerk on November 12, 2013 in Norwalk. Performing the ceremony is Raquel Hernandez-Aguilar, Deputy Commissioner of Civil Marriage. The couple wanted to get married on Tuesday as the calendar fell on consecutive numbers, 11/12/13 and they chose this date so, as Timi says about her husband, "Easy for Peter to remember." She elaborates more, "He'll probably still forget." This is the second to last time the calendar falls on consecutive dates when after next year, the calendar falls on 12/13/14 consecutive calendar dates won't happen again for another 100 years. (Photo by Gary Friedman/Los Angeles Times via Getty Images)

Marrying At 23 Is Often a Blind Guess – Benjamin Zulu

One lady said she did a wedding at 23 and I asked if she knew she was rushing, and if anyone tried to warn her.

Of course, the marriage turned into a 20-year nightmare. She said her father admitted that she was still very young but since the parents had known the fiance for a long time they hoped he would ‘continue raising her from where the parents had left off.’

He was way older than her, by over ten years, and it surprised me how misadvised parents can be.

Who people are to the outside world is often very different from who they are as a partner.

You must never entrust yourself or your daughter to a person just because they’re known to be a nice person.

From the outside, most ladies may look fully grown even as early as 21. But those who live with them know she’s still unready and emotionally very immature.

They still have adolescent mood swings, they still make gross mistakes in character analysis, which will definitely show up in their choice of mate; they’re still not in control of their feelings especially when they crush on someone.

Many of them still possess a very naive view of the world and project their good nature on people and thus trusting the wrong people.

As a result, marrying at this age is often a blind guess. Fifty-fifty it may be right, fifty-fifty it may be a terrible match-up. That’s why most of these marriages turn out shaky and volatile, highly abusive and chaotic.

Because at such a delicate age the girl lacks the mental capacity to do due diligence, she’s riding mainly on emotions and presumptions. She cannot identify red flags and neither can she think long-term and see where her decisions are likely to lead her.

Of course, the main opposers of this view argue that life is unpredictable and marriages do fail irrespective of the age they’re entered into.

My answer is very simple: there’s a part of life that’s unpredictable in every aspect; whether a house will collapse even when built to the right standards, whether a pregnancy will carry to term even when the mother takes the right care; whether you will die prematurely even if you don’t drink poison.

We all know and accept this unpredictable side of life. A marriage can die even when you marry right.

But we also know some consequences are predictable because they’re a result of our choices.

If you neglect construction standards your house is more likely to tumble; if you neglect healthy eating you’re more likely to die prematurely; if you expose your pregnancy to hazards you’re more likely to terminate it. If you marry carelessly the marriage will mostly turn out bad. This aspect of our life is fully in our control.

In summary, life’s too short to make mistakes that will cost you years to get rid of. Better late and right than rushed and risky. If you take your time to grow up first you will lose nothing and risk nothing.

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