Sometimes you may marry someone who forgets and disregards your people as if they don’t exist for months or years.
Or in such a way that you have to push for them to contact them.
And obviously, they don’t mention them in your conversations because then they would be challenged to check on them or to explain their behavior. That’s a silent and deadly enemy. They’re silently alienating you from your blood so that you’re alone and abusable.
A healthy person knows they did not pluck you from a tree and that marrying you meant they became an extension of your family. They will value whom you value. But manipulative people don’t value you. They’re just here to use you. And they hate it when you’re well connected and supported by your people. They’ll react with hostility when you get in touch with your family.
Even when your family is friendly and welcoming, they will misinterpret their motives and cook up reasons to avoid relating with them. You’ll know it’s deliberate because they visit and support their own people regularly.
Sometimes if you didn’t finish dowry payments or if you were naive enough to ‘start life’ by cohabiting, they will delay officiating of marriage indefinitely.
They may also try to have a hand on all family finances and push you to the side so that you don’t support your people. Or in the case of joint investments, you’ll be doing the donkey’s work and being paid nothing.
After all ‘it’s family.’ But the end game is to cut you out from your people. When you know they need help but you can’t help them you’ll both avoid calling often or even visiting them.
These tactics are most common with covert narcissists who hide their hostility beneath a friendly exterior so that you’re never sure if they really mean bad for you.
When they resist you starting or seeking your own job, they put it like ‘you should be united as a family.’ Or that by working on your own you’re ‘competing with them and dividing the family.’
If the abuser is the woman, she may avoid getting children at all or stick with only one to avoid getting too committed.
Of course, a healthy couple may agree to stick with only one child, but the difference here is that she switches on what they had agreed about children.
She could secretly use contraceptives or cleverly avoid intimacy during fertile days. They can also abort any pregnancy and feign to be unwell.
Also Read: 5 Things Women Do That Are Turn Off To Men
Narcissists are cunning and calculating. If the man is the narc he will push for more children in quick succession to tie the woman. And they don’t use persuasion or reasoning, just guilt, and emotional blackmail.
They can go silent on you for months until you agree to conceive. Then after you conceive they abandon you to struggle through the process alone.
Solution? The quickest way to detect the presence of a hidden pathogen or invisible illness in your body is to observe the symptoms.
Look at your life since you’ve been with that person and see if you’ve improved or deteriorated? Are you richer in relationships and happiness and social connectedness or are you poorer?
Believe that evidence and don’t get confused by any fake friendliness.