If you have a parent who has mistreated you to the point of you questioning whether you’re really their child; if they’re so insensitive with their words and they talk mean things to you at the slightest provocation; if upon asking to have a discussion about their mistreatment of you they flare up with more accusations and curses; if they cannot stand correction or being challenged to explain their behavior, there’s only one more quality to determine if they’re narcissistic.
Do they pretend to be nice before other people? Are they polite and charming to outsiders? That’s all.
Normal parents don’t put their children down. They don’t call their children prostitutes and they don’t wish their children die or meet all manner of misfortunes.
That’s not normal, that’s devilish. That’s narcissism.
What does this mean? A parent can be abusive to you for a time when they’re going through a phase themselves, perhaps after a break-up or loss of job. They’re taking out on you what’s happening to them.
This doesn’t excuse their damaging behavior but it does give you hope that with time they may overcome and heal.
The projection is subconscious and they don’t change they treat everyone close to them like this. You don’t see selective pretense.
But if they act differently towards other people it means they’re conscious of what they’re doing to you and there’s no hope for a change.
They may claim that giving birth to you ruined their life but who asked them to conceive you? They may say you’re a terrible person and you’ve made their life miserable but no child has such power over an adult.
If you’re so unruly they could simply have handed you over to a juvenile correctional facility.
You’re not a terrible person, they are. They envy you and they wish to destroy your happiness so that you can be as pathetic as them. Do not succumb.
Also, do not believe their curses. God is not as unreasonable as them and their curses will not affect you.
Just learn to pray and reverse all the bad words they’ve thrown at you.
Their words have power but your words have the power to cancel theirs as well. They’re not your demigods.
Seize control of your life and decide that you will be happy one way or other.
Written by Benjamin Zulu. A Counseling Psychologist, Conference Speaker and Life Coach