You must never get married when you’re a fugitive from your family. That’s a bad foot to start your family on.
We all know someone who attempted to escape from their family by getting married and how badly it always ends.
Even if you have a strained relationship with your family and the fault is not on your side- some people are just difficult and impossible to please- you must not come off as bitter and at war with them. Be calm and at peace with the situation. You can’t change people but you can decide to be peaceful from your end.
Do not create the impression of being a loner to your in-laws. You can always find one person who understands you, even if they’re not blood. It could be a pastor who has known you for long, an uncle who is supportive, a distant relative.
Everyone knows you did not bud from the earth and to get here someone took care of you. For those whose parents are not alive or you’re totally estranged from the family that took care of you in your childhood, make a point of acknowledging them or including them as much as circumstances permit.
Imagine if you took a day to travel upcountry to see that aging grandma who took care of you in primary school although she’s not a direct parent she was there for you. You tell her, ‘Mama, we haven’t talked for a while but you took care of me and I’m grown now. I’m getting married and I brought you this token of appreciation.’
Of course, I don’t suggest that you include everyone who helped you. That’s not practical. The point here is that you don’t enter marriage as a loner or in war mode. You’ll create a bad picture for your new family because they’ll see that you have the capacity to discard everyone from your life. A malicious person could also take advantage of your lack of social support to exploit and abuse you since you have no one to run to.
What if your direct parents are alive but you just don’t get along? As much as every healthy person wants their parents to be forefront in their marriage ceremony, we have parents who are unreasonable, selfish, and impossible to deal with. They demand too much and they intimidate the child. They didn’t build their own life and they want you to compensate for it and you have no choice. Never bow to such evil energy.
When they allow it you must include them but without letting them run the show and complicate your life by abusing their position as a parent.
