You’re not to reveal to your dates what you’re looking for in a person, what lifestyle habits are important to you. Do not disclose what you’re looking for in a partner.
Not only is this information unnecessary since the person is not here to help you search but to be examined by you, but it also facilitates mirroring. It allows people to fake what you say you’re looking for in order to fool you.
If you say you want a tender person or someone who loves your child, they’ll switch to that immediately.
The right approach is to allow people to reveal themselves in the natural course of interactions and then you decide for yourself if they meet your search criteria.
If they pose the question themselves, just answer in generic and cliché terms to avoid divulging useful information. ‘I’m looking for a person with whom we share values and we get along well. Values like hardworking, believing in yourself, and having dreams.’ Those are things anyone would say but they get you off the hook.
In truth, you may be looking for a compassionate person who has a leaning towards charity and helping or an intellectually curious person who has a depth of insight and loves reading. But you can’t afford to reveal that.
Never mention deal breakers
Also, you must not state your deal breakers lest you help people to hide. Some people mention early they cannot date someone who has a child so their prospect hides the child until it’s too late. If you ask whether they have a child and they ask whether it’s a deal breaker for you, you must gloss over the matter and say it’s just for general information. If you have to leave, just go. No point in explaining why you’re not interested in further conversations or meetups.
Don’t ask directly about people’s faith because they’ll say what you want to hear. Let their beliefs come up naturally in conversations.
Many people are ‘historical Christians,’ that is, they used to live by the convictions of Christianity but they have since departed from them although they still attend church and call themselves Christians. You will know them, by the way, they will talk for hours without referencing their faith or it informing their decisions or opinions anywhere. That’s a more sincere assessment than just asking them about their faith. Anyone who genuinely believes something it will show up somewhere in their conversations, naturally.
Now you know they have no walk of faith. They just have church. And they’re on their way out of it as well.
Ultimately, your best approach to learning people is gleaning information in conversations and avoiding prolonged interactions that get your feelings attached before you make a sound evaluation of the person.
