Sometimes the reason your partner self-isolates when they’re upset or struggling with something has nothing to do with you.
It’s because as a child they were left alone to deal with their emotions. And so they learnt to not risk rejection by opening up, although they call it not wanting to bother people with their issues. It’s their inner child curling into a corner to cry alone.
So when they do come back and you learn it was something unrelated to your relationship you should ask why they were uncomfortable letting you in. They’ll most likely admit that they just didn’t think they should ‘bother you,’ and that they may not have actually realised they had detached. The period of disconnection was very painful for you and you may wonder how it didn’t register with them?
You see they had already left. They had left emotionally and retreated to nurse their pain and so they weren’t present to feel the disconnect.
Solution? Do not get angry in return and retaliate by going silent yourself. This will only escalate issues and leave the underlying issues unresolved.
Just express your pain because of their withdrawal and explain how they can learn to trust you and allow you to be there for them when they feel wounded.
