Perhaps the reason you don’t get anywhere with relationships is that you’re turned off by genuine care, consistency and calmness.
Your emotional response has been accustomed to drama and inconsistency. You have been chasing the approval of people who don’t want you and, as ridiculous as this may sound, you’re now wired to chase your lovers.
If they’re not running, they’re boring.
The uncertainty of not knowing whether they’re really into you, the effort you put in to please them, the possibility of them losing interest – all these raise the tension in your nervous system and that’s what you’re accustomed to.
The cause of this phenomenon is plunging into relationships before you spend time in intentional singleness to self-reflect and develop self-consciousness. When you’re not self-conscious you behave like you’re asleep even when you’re physically awake. You cannot see the wrong elements in your choices and you recycle dysfunctional patterns for years and decades.
If you’re lucky to stumble on this realisation when you’re still strong, take an immediate u-turn and go to intentional singleness. That’s where you can self-examine and set parameters for the kind of life you want.
Level of consciousness
Again, some people are single because of the situation, not the intention. So there’s no growth happening within and they’re agitated about their state. They will transfer the same fearful and reactive energy to any relationship and sabotage it.
Once more, time and chance happen to all, but chances are only openings. The real determiner of your relationships is your level of consciousness. Many people hate the discomfort of the stillness and separateness that’s required to hatch yourself into an intentional being. So they stagger through life making the same costly blunders and no matter how high they rise they keep tumbling back to their level of unconsciousness.
So the cure to stop getting excited by the unavailability and attraction to dysfunction is to stop trying to find someone and find yourself first.
You must first learn to keep yourself at a certain level of life so that you can become a keeper of your relationships at the same level.
